Evolution is Key.

First and foremost let me put into words how thankful I am for the abundance I was able to create. What an awesome and unexpected experience. It was funny because all day long I would drive around and wonder how it was going to happen. I was listening to the radio in the car and noticed that they were running a contest. If you heard three songs in a row you could win $5,000, so I listened intently to the radio station. Then I would imagine winning different contests, lotteries and what not. I would imagine checks for $5,000 arriving in my mailbox from who knows where. Then finally I had to remind myself that I wasn't supposed to be the one who planned how it happened, that my job was just to be open to it. So I tried to relax.

I reflected on an awesome blog from Katie Freiling (katiefreiling.com) where she talked about relaxing, releasing and letting go. About not holding on to the outcome but just living in the moment. Living in the now and being open to that. So I tried that, and by the time I got home, I still hadn't heard three songs in a row, but it didn't matter because there in my mailbox was a letter saying I had a credit at my son's school for $4,125.25. WOW! I thought, WOW. I didn't see that coming! :-)

This money, arriving in this way however proved to be a perplexing thing. Because although, as I mentioned before, the check would be made out to me and arrive here at my house, it really in truth belongs to my father and the right thing to do would be to turn it over to him.

This conundrum proves to be an interesting block for me and something I definitely need to work on. We all have road blocks and beliefs that stand in our way of manifesting things for ourselves, and my father has unknowingly been (for me) a derailer of my dreams. Don't get me wrong his is a wonderful and loving man in his own way, but his own way often takes much interpretation and flexibility to embrace.

About 30 years ago my father sold our family business and retired with millions. It was a business that had been in the family for four generations. On some level it is okay that he sold it. He was in charge at the time and he felt that it was his to do with what he wants (more on that in future blogs). He and my mother have been able to live a wonderful life together because of the money they acquired from the sale. They have lovely homes in Massachusetts and Florida, they have donated millions to charitable causes. They have been huge advocates of changing the school systems and empowering under privilege youth and families, and so much more. They truly have done wonderful things with their money. And that is all well and fine, but in the process, they have cut their own family out of the picture. And that has created some conflict for me in my own life as I have struggled with the feelings that this has generated for me. For years I have personally battled with not feeling worthy and of not being lovable. I have made some really (epically bad) decisions based on these beliefs. Now don't get me wrong. I know well enough not to blame anyone. I chose how I was going to interpret these events in my life. So, I accept all of this as part of my journey. I appreciate that all this and more has lead me to the place that I am now, and therefor I am thankful for it. I like me now. These experiences have caused me to reach and stretch beyond who I am and become more, bigger and better because of they have been a part of my life. I am just trying to point out that the thoughts and feelings I have generated for myself in reaction to these events in my life have created along the way, some road blocks for me on my journey. Road blocks which {subconsciously} have prevented love and abundance to flow freely to me up until now.

BUT, awareness is the key...

Uncovering these blocks are why I created this blog in the first place. I want to sort them out. I want to move past them. I want for the first time in my life to feel worthy. To feel proud. To feel lovable. To feel strong and empowered. I wanted to document my journey from that place (where the old me existed) to a place of massive abundance, love, grace and power (good power, universal power, oneness). And I want to make known to myself, my children and anyone else who might stumble across this, the process that I went through. I want to have a vehicle to sort out, the challenges I face and the grace and abundance I manifested in the process. So this is my online journal of personal discovery and growth.

Circling back, based on my life experience so far, I think it is ironic and interesting that the real, new, unexpected income I generated came with strings attached. And more interestingly, that it came with strings that were attached to my father. Haarrrumphh. Clearly I need to do some more clearing in that area.

Joe Vitale writes in one of his books about some work he has done with Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len (www.hooponopono.org) which is about taking responsibility and letting go so that what is right and perfect has room to unfold in your life and is not held back or prevented because of road blocks that you have set up {subconsciously} in your life. It is a step by step process for achieving peace and balance in your life by accepting your role in it. Pretty neat. I try to practice this whenever a conflict comes up in my mind. During the course of the day an old argument, or feeling will surface and I find myself replaying it over and over again in my mind. So I (try to remember to) stop myself and repeat, "I'm sorry, I love you, please forgive me, thank you." And really take a moment to reflect on that. At the very least, it calms me down and allows me to move past it. On a deeper level, my hope is that it is also working to rewire those experience for me and allow me to release them.

Anyway, I digress. I think I learned a little bit from my first manifestation experience, and have slightly rewritten my script so that I can manifest something a little bit different. Here is my newly revised request to the universe:

October 4th, 2009

Dear God, Universe, Super-Conscious, Spirit:

It is my plan, with your guidance, assistance and infinite wisdom, to manifest $5,000 or more in new, unexpected, unfettered income by the end of this week. This money will be free and available for me to use in whatever way I am guided. Please aid me in finding a means to this end now. I realize that I have nothing to loose and everything to gain and because of this I willingly, openly and lovingly embrace this journey and the lessons I will learn from it! I warmly welcome your guidance and love into my life and look forward to our ever evolving friendship!

"It is done. It is healed. It is accomplished now! Thank you Spirit for coming to my aid and helping me attain the full measure of my creation! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!! I love you and praise (God) from whom all blessing flow."1

Please forgive me, I am sorry, I love you, thank you!2

Kristen

1. These two lines I borrowed from a powerful healing script created by Karol Truman. (Karol@healingfeelings.com). The first place I ever read them was in a book by Joe Vitale called "The Attractor Factor". Both wonderful resources

2. Ho'oponopono, Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len (www.hooponopono.org)

3. The inspiration for this blog came from a plethora of sources, but the tipping point came from a wonderful book I am currently reading by Sasha Xarrian called "Outrageous Mastery".