Smoke and mirrors...

Well yesterday (to say the least) was interesting.

I am proud of myself for working on my script yesterday to forgive Tony. The whole process was cathartic and inspiring. What you couldn't see was that I pretty much cried my way through it as I relived all of the hurt and pain that I had associated to that relationship. When I was done, I was completely exhausted. It was all I could do not to crawl into bed and take a nap. But instead what I did was spend some time listening to some meditation and energy work tapes by Jo Dunning that I had heard about last week while listening to a teleconference put on by Healing with the Masters. It is a program that Mary McLean has put together and it has been really wonderful to listen to. It involves some guided meditations and energy work, and WOW! it has been lovely.

Anyway, some really weird things happened to me yesterday. Early in the morning I had zipped off an email to Mary McLean detailing my issue about not being able to forgive Tony and asking her what I could do. This was pretty early in the am, and I know Mary is in California, so I figured that I wasn't going to hear back from her for a while, but I am an immediate gratification kind of girl. So I was impatient with the fact that I hadn't heard back. By 11 am, with still no word, I decided that I had to take matters into my own hands. I chatted with my friend Sue for a while about pretty mundane and insignificant stuff. You know, the kind of things girlfriends do for each other as we show our support and try to validate each others existance! (lol). Anyway, a little voice kept urging me to speak up. I was unsure, because there are things that Sue and I talk about, and she knows where I am on the whole bigger universe thing, but still, this was a leap even for our relationship and I wasn't sure if she would think that I had fallen off the deep end. Thankfully, she didn't and was even able to offer up that if Tony was sort of my whipping boy, and it was difficult to forgive him, maybe I needed to back up further. Start smaller. Forgive other people I am angry at, like my mother or my father.

Hmmmm.... Interesting.

Then I spoke my friend John. He is from California. We have been friends for more than 20 years and have seen each other through a lot. So I tested my dilemma with him. He added some interesting insights as well and that was great. I admittedly found myself resistant to some of his wisdom, so I don't quite know what was up with that, but I listened and then managed to turn the tables on him, which felt much better because I didn't have to deal with my own stuff. (More about the manifestation experiment I challenged him with later.)

In the end. After hashing this out with the two of them, I kept thinking, "I have to blog about this, I have to blog about this.) So I blogged. A very cathartic and theraputic blog, which as I mentioned, exhausted me. But probably in a good way. And then I did some meditation and energy work, which wiped me out even more, but probably again in a good way. And after that is where the interesting/weird stuff started to happen....