Friday, October 30, 2009

Okay, so it has admittedly taken me a while to return to my blog. (I was a little freaked out by everything that has happened.)

Time proves to be a funny thing. For example, I just circled back to read some of my older posts because I wanted to pick up where I left off, and when I read back on my most previous entries (the ones that had previously left me a crumpled mess by the time I had finished writing them) I found that they now had little or no emotional grip on me. No emotion, no feeling, no attachment. I take that as a really good sign that maybe I have moved on and finally released Tony from my experience!

In any case, things are good. Really good. I am working hard on freeing myself from the past and am finding it very cathartic. It is opening doors, and roads and experiences that I haven't seen or felt before. I have managed to manifest things in my life that in the past I have only been able to dream about. For example, I began working with a Life Coach this week and am so excited about that. The best part is, I manifested it. Exactly what I wanted! WOW!

Let me explain. About a year ago, I started hearing more and more about the concept of having a coach. For whatever area in your life you are struggling with. All professional athletes have coaches, many successful business people have coaches, and coaches are available for all areas of your life. So I started thinking that I would like a coach. Didn't know who, or where to find one. Wasn't sure what area I was going to start in, but I wanted a coach. I thought for me, one of the areas I struggle with the most is in the area of money. My father, although very successful financially, really fell short of passing along some very important life skills in this area to his children and I have always felt like we really were tossed into life having to fend for ourselves. So I decided that a great place to start would be with a financial coach. It took a bit of research, but I found that once I had set my intention on finding a financial coach, he kind of appeared. I ended up choosing a company called Prosper Learning. They had a wide variety of services, a great track record and an extremely well developed program. It wasn't inexpensive, which was a bit frustrating since my goal was to get out of debt and into money, but I took the leap and it was well worth it. Within the course of the year, I was able to pay off just about all of my debt. They gave me resources and a game plan and two great coaches to set me on my course. It was great and I gained a lot of confidence and understanding of money.

Over the course of last year I made tremendous progress in organizing my finances and paying down my debt, but I noticed I was still floundering in a few other areas. And that feeling prompted me to searching for another coach. This time I was thinking that a business coach or a personal/life coach would be really beneficial. I stumbled across some books by Joe Vitale and really became intrigued. I started reading. And reading and reading and reading. I think I have become a bit of a self help book junkie, but I love it! I love learning and expanding and growing. I love trying to find new ways to better my life and expand my possibilities. In the last book I read by Joe, he began talking about a coaching program he was offering. I was a little skeptical at first, after all, he is a marketing guru, but I really love his work, and thought it was at least a worth taking a deeper look at.

I checked out his website and entered my name and information in the contact us section. I was curious about how much all this would cost. I knew how much it had cost me last time, and I was not really in a place where I felt like I could afford to do that again. After a few days, someone from his office called. He introduced himself and we began to chat about the program. It sounded great. (Of course. This was a sales call and that was his job!!! I know this.) But by the same token, it sounded like exactly what I was looking for.

Here is the interesting part. Through an odd series of events, it occurred to me that this coaching program and the previous coaching program were offered by the same outfit. Prosper Learning. It hadn't been part of the program last year when I went through my financial coaching, but Prosper had just added it to their repertoire realizing (as I had) that mastering the emotional/psychological side of finances and building your your business were critical to success. And they had chosen Joe Vitale to lead this program. Crazy!!! But the best part turned out to be that because I was a previous Prosper Student, I was eligible for some great discounts and special packages that anyone signing up off the street wasn't going to get. So I was able to get into the exact program that I wanted to at about 1/3 of the cost that it would have been if I had just stumbled into Joe's program. That couldn't have been more perfect! Exactly what I wanted at exactly the price I could afford!! What a win!

Great manifesting! And on top of that, I was able to manifest $15,000 in cash just the day before, so I had the money to pay for the program. Wow!! I told you that I had been on a role lately, and some fantastic manifesting opportunities have come to light. The above are just two of many!!

So now, I have a Life Coach, (Janeen Detrick who I had my first coaching session with last week) some money to use to build up my business and fix my house and a much more manageable relationship with my ex-husband, who's radar screen I eventually hope to be off of completely!

Told you it was all a bit freaky!! Plus there are more crazy little odds and ends coincidental little things that have gone on, but I will tell you about them later!

Yeah!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Smoke and mirrors...

Well yesterday (to say the least) was interesting.

I am proud of myself for working on my script yesterday to forgive Tony. The whole process was cathartic and inspiring. What you couldn't see was that I pretty much cried my way through it as I relived all of the hurt and pain that I had associated to that relationship. When I was done, I was completely exhausted. It was all I could do not to crawl into bed and take a nap. But instead what I did was spend some time listening to some meditation and energy work tapes by Jo Dunning that I had heard about last week while listening to a teleconference put on by Healing with the Masters. It is a program that Mary McLean has put together and it has been really wonderful to listen to. It involves some guided meditations and energy work, and WOW! it has been lovely.

Anyway, some really weird things happened to me yesterday. Early in the morning I had zipped off an email to Mary McLean detailing my issue about not being able to forgive Tony and asking her what I could do. This was pretty early in the am, and I know Mary is in California, so I figured that I wasn't going to hear back from her for a while, but I am an immediate gratification kind of girl. So I was impatient with the fact that I hadn't heard back. By 11 am, with still no word, I decided that I had to take matters into my own hands. I chatted with my friend Sue for a while about pretty mundane and insignificant stuff. You know, the kind of things girlfriends do for each other as we show our support and try to validate each others existance! (lol). Anyway, a little voice kept urging me to speak up. I was unsure, because there are things that Sue and I talk about, and she knows where I am on the whole bigger universe thing, but still, this was a leap even for our relationship and I wasn't sure if she would think that I had fallen off the deep end. Thankfully, she didn't and was even able to offer up that if Tony was sort of my whipping boy, and it was difficult to forgive him, maybe I needed to back up further. Start smaller. Forgive other people I am angry at, like my mother or my father.

Hmmmm.... Interesting.

Then I spoke my friend John. He is from California. We have been friends for more than 20 years and have seen each other through a lot. So I tested my dilemma with him. He added some interesting insights as well and that was great. I admittedly found myself resistant to some of his wisdom, so I don't quite know what was up with that, but I listened and then managed to turn the tables on him, which felt much better because I didn't have to deal with my own stuff. (More about the manifestation experiment I challenged him with later.)

In the end. After hashing this out with the two of them, I kept thinking, "I have to blog about this, I have to blog about this.) So I blogged. A very cathartic and theraputic blog, which as I mentioned, exhausted me. But probably in a good way. And then I did some meditation and energy work, which wiped me out even more, but probably again in a good way. And after that is where the interesting/weird stuff started to happen....

Thursday, October 8, 2009

When it rains, it pours...

And I am not just referring to Morton's Salt or our crazy New England weather yesterday.

I have been working really, really hard on these manifestation experiments. And I can't say that they are going poorly, just that they are not going in the direction I expected.

It is all fascinating. Frustrating and fascinating. An overriding theme over the past two weeks has been forgiveness and letting go. As I read more and more information about this movement in our world toward energy work, or as I listen to teleconferences on the subject, forgiveness keeps occurring to me.

I have a lot to forgive, it is true. But my biggest stumbling block has been how forgiveness relates to my ex husband. On some levels I have forgiven him, and on other levels I have been unable to out of fear. Not forgiving him makes me feel safe. It keeps me from ever letting him back into my life. And if he is not back in my life then it keeps me and my kids safe. The biggest problem is, it also keeps me angry and that has proven to be detrimental to my being able to move forward.

This proves to be a bit of a double edged sword. Tony represents for me a trifecta - the perfect storm of all the shortcomings and inadequacies that I felt and experienced throughout my life. One of the reasons I left was because his volatility and unmanaged temper was not providing a safe, happy, peaceful environment for my family to thrive in. But now I find, that by not being able to forgive him and move on, I have the lingering effects of that anger remaining in my life. I see it in the way my children respond and react to each other. I feel it within myself. I don't have peace, I don't have calmness, I don't have happiness and freedom. I didn't really escape it at all and probably won't until I can find a way to completely release him from my life. And maybe that comes from forgiveness.

But how? How do I forgive the man who ruined my life?

I do try to forgive him, but often find I can't completely get there. On some levels I get that there was a role he had to play in my life. That there was a role that he had to play in his own life. That we are both on our own journeys and those journeys happened to intersect for a time. There are days when I can completely and objectively step back and say thank you to him - thank you. Because without his impact in my life I may not have turned out to be so strong. Without his darkness I may not have fought so hard to find the light. Without his anger and unpredictability I may not have so desperately sought to find happiness, peace and stability. Without his greed and selfishness, I may not have been driven as hard to find a way to give to others and to provide a good life for my own family. Without him, I wouldn't have my two beautiful children, who in their own ways have helped make me a better person.

Maybe that is how you forgive. By saying thank you. By moving forward and moving on and appreciating that my life is unfolding perfectly, and that he was just part of the plan.

So thank you Tony. I forgive you. I am moving on. I no longer wish to hold on to this experience and have it define me. I am choosing to let it go, to let you go. To release your vibration from it's hold on me.

I appreciate the role in my life that you have played. I appreciate that you have {so clearly} pointed out to me all of the things that I do not want so I can now move towards what I do. I can let you go now. I don't need you any more. My new course is charted and the seas are calm. I am moving forward from these last years with peace, gratitude and thanks for the role that you played in it. I do not wish to be sucked into your bottomless pit of anger and despair any more. I wish you well on your journey and wish you out of mine.

God speed. Be well. Thank you.

All is forgiven.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

An Interesting Perspective

Here is a copy of a recent email I just received from Thomas Herold, author and creator of the Dream Manifesto:

Do You Make These 3 Mistakes with Manifesting?
Looking back at my own life I have made many mistakes over and over again. They say there is a lesson to learn in each mistake, and there is no need to make the same mistake twice.

For a long time some of my mistakes just kept repeating themselves. It seemed a common and recurring theme, and I had no idea how to get a handle on it. It took me many years to finally get out of this jungle of repeating mistakes and to find the answers. When you finally get them, the answers seem to be ridiculously easy to follow.


Mistake 1: Thinking You Don't Have Enough Time For It
We all live by the same physical rules; however, the same set of rules seems to appear differently to each of us. How often have you told someone (or yourself) that you don't have time for something? We only have 24 hours in a day—you alone decide what you do in these hours.

It seems to be more convenient to say “I don't have the time” rather than saying “I don't want to use my time on it.” Can you feel the difference? In the first phrase you have not taken ownership of your time—someone else has the time. You put yourself in the role of being a slave to time itself, and, if you are honest with yourself, it does not feel at all empowering.

In the second phrase we take full responsibility for our time. Know that this may upset some people when you say it. You tell them that whatever they want from you is not necessarily as important for you as for them. In reality, you are just being honest and this will, in the end, make you feel humble.

The interesting thing is that when you start doing this, you will attract more honest people in your life. You will get more comfortable over time with expressing this kind of yourself in this way to others and people will start appreciating your honesty. You will soon see the rewards.

Your dreams will come true if you make the time available to manifest them. Have you already used the Setting Intention sheet in your ebook? If not, the best time is now!
Make a list of what you want to achieve in your life over the next few years.
Make a list of your most inner desires
Make a list of your life dreams
Set your mental blueprint. This is the beginning of all your dreams coming true. Most people fail with business intentions in particular and life intentions in general because they never create the blueprint in the first place that makes them happen. They are too busy with putting their valuable attention on daily clusters. Make sure you are not one of them.


Mistake 2: You Don't Like How It Is, Therefore You Try to Change It
You cannot change what you don't like! Too much of your attention is focused on the problem rather than on the solution.

Start with accepting your current situation. Take full ownership of it. Understand that it is somehow a result of your thoughts and actions, even if you don't comprehend why. Let go of any sadness or anger you hold towards yourself and others. Forgive yourself and others. We all make mistakes, and mistakes are not necessarily the bad things as you have come to believe.

Making mistakes (and understanding them) is how each of us learn to move on through life. Simply understand that your past and current actions did not lead to the results that you have expected. That's it—don't take it too seriously.

Only after you have gained a neutral perspective towards your current solution is it time to take a new approach. Being neutral means that when you think about it, no other thoughts or feelings come up. However you feel about it in the moment, no second feelings will arise.


Mistake 3: You Are Discouraged - Therefore You Give Up
You had the best intentions. You put in all your efforts and you certainly believed in your goals and dreams. However, nothing really ever changed—you are frustrated and discouraged. You start to believe that it is not meant to be. Maybe God does not want you to experience achieving your goals. You start finding all kinds of excuses why your dreams did not manifest. Finally you give up—you admit to yourself that you obviously don't have the power to pull this off. This is the place where dreams vaporize, where evaporating goals become a part of history that nobody will ever see.

Besides having no dreams and goals at all, this is the second most prevalent reason why people never fulfill their dreams.

It is important that you hold your intention and reconnect with it at all times. If your ego gets too involved, you’ll try to force it to happen. Allow yourself enough time and space to let your intention manifest in its own way and under its own conditions. Understand that the more people your intention serves the more likely it will happen.

Discouragement is not failure, it simply means that your expectations have gotten ahead of you.

Pay attention to the coincidences in your life, as they will show you the way. They may seem insignificant, but they are real. Acknowledge them, be grateful to what you have and then act on whatever opportunities come up.

No Strings attached.

So more interesting developments in my manifestation experiment. Yesterday, when I picked up the mail, most of it was boring, but there was one interesting letter that caught my eye. I looked at it curiously for a moment and then wishfully hoped that there would be a check inside. When I opened it, much to my surprise and amazement there was!! For $3,690.-. The letter that came with it stated that I had won a sweepstakes drawing!!! WHAT!!!! I read it again. It mentioned Kohl's, Home Depot, Target, and a few other large department stores that I shop at and fill out the online surveys for all the time. I couldn't believe it. I danced, I whooped, I carried on endlessly. I called my friend Sue. I said, "You are not going to believe this...."

Money, no strings attached. Had I done it? Had I figured out the secret to manifesting abundance?

NO!

After I climbed down from my lofty perch and read the letter a little more carefully, I realized that the whole thing was probably nothing more than a big fat scam. Shame on them. So I googled it and sure enough, Rip-off report had a big fat warning and the exact scam I held in my hands listed in it. Different bank name, but same scam. Same people running it.

Bummer.

So what is this? Money, but still arriving with strings attached. What do I need to clean and clear from my DNA? What do I need to do differently than I am doing?

On the bright side, I sold three of my jewelry designs on eBay (see bluerskies06) yesterday and $50 worth of gift certificates arrived in the mail. So little by little I am getting there!!

-------

Today I am going to turn my attention on focusing on finding help and resources to produce/develop/manufacture some of the ideas that I have been kicking around. I really need some guidance with those, so I am hopeful that the universe will send me some direction on that! And I will ask for a little help with my ebay sales, a little more activity there would be greatly appreciated!!

Bigger and better is still to come. I am deserving, I am open, I am creative, I am willing. I love this crazy trip we are on through life. What a ride.

Cheers!
Kristen

Monday, October 5, 2009

The manifesting continues....

WOW! I admittedly don't understand what is going on. It is crazy good!

Remember Dave D'Apice? He is the guy I mentioned in my blog from this morning. Dave is from The Simon Group (a marketing, advertising and graphic design firm in North Andover, MA). I met him about 20 years ago when I worked as a designer at another agency called Tepperman Ray (and equally talented design group) which was located in the same building at the opposite end of the hall. Anyway, as Dave and I chatted yesterday, we talked about how much our business has changed and people we have know, etc. During that conversation we talked about Carrol Ray and Paul Tepperman who I haven't seen for at least 15 years, maybe longer.

Here is the weird part. I had to run out to Staples this morning to get some shipping supplies. When I got there, I was in the middle of a conversation with my friend Maria trying to pitch her on this "fabulous" idea I had for promoting every one's business simultaneously. (She wasn't biting, but I was being persistent and did manage to get her to agree to a breakfast so we could talk about the idea in a little more detail.) Anyway, I didn't want to walk into the store while I was on my phone (I can be animated when I am trying to pitch and idea), so I sat in my car to finish up our conversation. I had gotten a front row spot at the store, and was parked right in front of the entrance where I was able to watch everyone running in and out. Suddenly some thing peculiar caught my attention. Walking right past me on his way into the store was none other than Carroll Ray. I couldn't believe it. That was just bizarre. My conversation with Maria was just about done, so I said goodbye and ran into Staples. I spied Carroll at the back of the store, so I snuck up on him and said, "HEY, the weirdest thing just happened to me and you are not going to believe it!" Fortunately he recognized me, otherwise that might have been awkward! :-) I explained to him what had just happened and he replied with, "Be careful what you wish for!"

It has been great to catch up with all of these people from my past, but it does beg the question, just what is the universe lining up for me. I am admittedly curious and mystified. It is intriguing to say the least. Admittedly when I ran into Carroll, it quickly occurred to me what a crush I used to have on him way back when. Could that be it? Sunday afternoon after I ran into Dave an idea occurred to me about how we could help each other in the business world. Could that be it? Could the convergence of all of these talented and creative people be the start of something. All of us are struggling in our respective industries at this point, could our meeting just be the start of a new, bigger entity? Will they help me in some way shape or form in the future? Could that be it?

Aaarrrgh! The suspense is killing me. I did have an idea however about having a mastermind luncheon with all of us together - some others that haven't resurfaced yet included. I think that could be a fun and interesting lunch. Dave D'Apice, Dave Petty, Paul Tepperman, Carroll Ray, James Mahoney...maybe it is the start of something. I will have to keep my eyes and ears open for more clues!

Hope abounds...

Today I remain in a state of hopefulness. I consider last weeks experiment to be a success. I know that I could just as easily talk myself out of it being a success as I can convince myself that it is, but I am choosing the latter. Afterall, hope seems to have the ability to propel you forward, and that is definitely the direction I want to be heading in.

This was the first email I read this morning, it is from Abraham-Hicks:
"Achieve, first, the vibrational essence of your desire—and then, through the crack of least resistance the manifestation will be delivered... work on the essence of the feeling of freedom; work on the essence of the feeling of empowerment— work on the essence of the feeling of Well-Being... And how do you do that? You can imagine it already having happened and pretend what it will feel like when it is that way. Or, you can look for things in your life that are already like that and beat the drum of that until they play a higher percentage of time in the vibrational signal that you are emanating."
--- Abraham

That seems to be the right tone to set the day into forward motion. So I am filling my day with hope - a sort of anxious and excited curiosity about what may lie ahead for me. I have got plenty of work to keep me busy this week, and that is very awesome. It is all creative, fun stuff and I am really looking forward to it.

As I reflect on the weekend, it is with amazement and awe for things outside of my $5,000 that I was able to manifest. For example, old friends. Three in fact popped up over the weekend. One (Dave D'Apice) I had just thought about on Friday, and boom, there he was at a baseball game on Sunday afternoon. I haven't seen him for almost 8 years, which is really strange because he and his family live about 5 minutes from my house in the very same town. I drive past his house all the time, but never see them. Anyway, it was great to catch up, share stories and talk about life. PLUS, on the way home I had a great idea that I think can make us both some money, so I am excited to take some action regarding that.

Later Sunday night, another old friend (Jimmy Chase) a friend of mine for 18 years now, called. Weird. Because I had just been thinking that my lawn was past the point of no return for me and there was no way that I would be able to mow it with my tiny little lawn mower. He is a landscaper and has the big machines. As luck would have it, he also had some time to fit me in on Tuesday morning. Yippie!!

And just now, another friend of 12 years or so, sent a friend request on Facebook. This friend I have mixed feelings about, so I haven't quite decided which way to go regarding that. (I'll keep you posted, afterall, you never know how the message will be delivered.)

I had a fabulous (albeit painful) massage on Sunday afternoon. Great experience. I carry most of my tension and stress in my neck and upper back, and I was really tight. But anyway, I worked on affirmations and Ho-oponopono while Scott worked to get the kinks out and I had some really interesting results (emotionally/spiritually). Physically, Scott told me that I had to come back next weekend because I would definitely need more work. Today I am exhausted, which seems like a good sign to me that my body is working on doing some healing.

That's about it for now. I am excited to get to work and get creative!!

Enjoy!
Kristen

Friday, October 2, 2009

Evolution is Key.

First and foremost let me put into words how thankful I am for the abundance I was able to create. What an awesome and unexpected experience. It was funny because all day long I would drive around and wonder how it was going to happen. I was listening to the radio in the car and noticed that they were running a contest. If you heard three songs in a row you could win $5,000, so I listened intently to the radio station. Then I would imagine winning different contests, lotteries and what not. I would imagine checks for $5,000 arriving in my mailbox from who knows where. Then finally I had to remind myself that I wasn't supposed to be the one who planned how it happened, that my job was just to be open to it. So I tried to relax.

I reflected on an awesome blog from Katie Freiling (katiefreiling.com) where she talked about relaxing, releasing and letting go. About not holding on to the outcome but just living in the moment. Living in the now and being open to that. So I tried that, and by the time I got home, I still hadn't heard three songs in a row, but it didn't matter because there in my mailbox was a letter saying I had a credit at my son's school for $4,125.25. WOW! I thought, WOW. I didn't see that coming! :-)

This money, arriving in this way however proved to be a perplexing thing. Because although, as I mentioned before, the check would be made out to me and arrive here at my house, it really in truth belongs to my father and the right thing to do would be to turn it over to him.

This conundrum proves to be an interesting block for me and something I definitely need to work on. We all have road blocks and beliefs that stand in our way of manifesting things for ourselves, and my father has unknowingly been (for me) a derailer of my dreams. Don't get me wrong his is a wonderful and loving man in his own way, but his own way often takes much interpretation and flexibility to embrace.

About 30 years ago my father sold our family business and retired with millions. It was a business that had been in the family for four generations. On some level it is okay that he sold it. He was in charge at the time and he felt that it was his to do with what he wants (more on that in future blogs). He and my mother have been able to live a wonderful life together because of the money they acquired from the sale. They have lovely homes in Massachusetts and Florida, they have donated millions to charitable causes. They have been huge advocates of changing the school systems and empowering under privilege youth and families, and so much more. They truly have done wonderful things with their money. And that is all well and fine, but in the process, they have cut their own family out of the picture. And that has created some conflict for me in my own life as I have struggled with the feelings that this has generated for me. For years I have personally battled with not feeling worthy and of not being lovable. I have made some really (epically bad) decisions based on these beliefs. Now don't get me wrong. I know well enough not to blame anyone. I chose how I was going to interpret these events in my life. So, I accept all of this as part of my journey. I appreciate that all this and more has lead me to the place that I am now, and therefor I am thankful for it. I like me now. These experiences have caused me to reach and stretch beyond who I am and become more, bigger and better because of they have been a part of my life. I am just trying to point out that the thoughts and feelings I have generated for myself in reaction to these events in my life have created along the way, some road blocks for me on my journey. Road blocks which {subconsciously} have prevented love and abundance to flow freely to me up until now.

BUT, awareness is the key...

Uncovering these blocks are why I created this blog in the first place. I want to sort them out. I want to move past them. I want for the first time in my life to feel worthy. To feel proud. To feel lovable. To feel strong and empowered. I wanted to document my journey from that place (where the old me existed) to a place of massive abundance, love, grace and power (good power, universal power, oneness). And I want to make known to myself, my children and anyone else who might stumble across this, the process that I went through. I want to have a vehicle to sort out, the challenges I face and the grace and abundance I manifested in the process. So this is my online journal of personal discovery and growth.

Circling back, based on my life experience so far, I think it is ironic and interesting that the real, new, unexpected income I generated came with strings attached. And more interestingly, that it came with strings that were attached to my father. Haarrrumphh. Clearly I need to do some more clearing in that area.

Joe Vitale writes in one of his books about some work he has done with Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len (www.hooponopono.org) which is about taking responsibility and letting go so that what is right and perfect has room to unfold in your life and is not held back or prevented because of road blocks that you have set up {subconsciously} in your life.
It is a step by step process for achieving peace and balance in your life by accepting your role in it. Pretty neat. I try to practice this whenever a conflict comes up in my mind. During the course of the day an old argument, or feeling will surface and I find myself replaying it over and over again in my mind. So I (try to remember to) stop myself and repeat, "I'm sorry, I love you, please forgive me, thank you." And really take a moment to reflect on that. At the very least, it calms me down and allows me to move past it. On a deeper level, my hope is that it is also working to rewire those experience for me and allow me to release them.

Anyway, I digress. I think I learned a little bit from my first manifestation experience, and have slightly rewritten my script so that I can manifest something a little bit different. Here is my newly revised request to the universe:

October 4th, 2009
Dear God, Universe, Super-Conscious, Spirit:
It is my plan, with your guidance, assistance and infinite wisdom, to manifest $5,000 or more in new, unexpected, unfettered income by the end of this week. This money will be free and available for me to use in whatever way I am guided. Please aid me in finding a means to this end now. I realize that I have nothing to loose and everything to gain and because of this I willingly, openly and lovingly embrace this journey and the lessons I will learn from it! I warmly welcome your guidance and love into my life and look forward to our ever evolving friendship!

"It is done. It is healed. It is accomplished now! Thank you Spirit for coming to my aid and helping me attain the full measure of my creation! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!! I love you and praise (God) from whom all blessing flow."1


Please forgive me, I am sorry, I love you, thank you!2
Kristen

1. These two lines I borrowed from a powerful healing script created by Karol Truman. (Karol@healingfeelings.com). The first place I ever read them was in a book by Joe Vitale called "The Attractor Factor". Both wonderful resources

2. Ho'oponopono, Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len (www.hooponopono.org)

3. The inspiration for this blog came from a plethora of sources, but the tipping point came from a wonderful book I am currently reading by Sasha Xarrian called "Outrageous Mastery".

Live with an attitude of gratitude!

Notes from Thursday, October 1st
I didn't have a moment to write yesterday (Thursday), but some neat things happened. The day was a little more low key than I have been all week, but it proved to be an important day as far as working on eliminating the negative messages that my subconscious mind was happily delivering to me. I was constantly being bombarded by them all day long, but I kept checking in with my self and working to replace the negative with more positive and empowering ones. (It was a tad exhausting trying to keep up.) I also worked on moving forward despite the fact that there were moments where all I wanted to do was pull the covers up over my head and hide from the world. I did however manage to persevere and wah-lah, more coolness came from the day than not!!

I met with one of my clients in the am to talk over a few design ideas for her kitchen. I love, love, love when I share an idea about something and the client replies, "I love that idea. I hadn't thought about it, but it makes perfect sense!" Ta-dah! It makes me feel so genius! :-)

After leaving her place I went out to run a few errands. On Monday am, I had posted some of my jewelry designs (earrings mostly) on eBay. I have never used eBay as an outlet for selling my stuff before, but had always wanted to, and since I was feeling pretty inspired, I took the necessary pictures and set about creating ads for each item. Kind of fun, but it took a little bit more time than I expected. No worries, it was an experiment, and as part of the experiment I decided to employ the strategies I have been learning in Karim Hajee's Creating Power book. So, as a sign to the universe that I trusted it would help lead people to my auctions and help me sell my items, I decided I should go out and buy the mailing supplies I needed to ship everything that people bought! I also thought that it would be a nice idea to get individually wrapped pieces of chocolate to pop into the package as a little thank you surprise! (That idea just puts a smile on my face because I always love when there is a little something extra in packages I receive. It seems like a nice way to do business!) In addition to this, I knew that I needed to head to the craft store to follow up on my "to-do" list for the scarf idea I had earlier in the week. My kids are with their father this weekend and I figured I would have some free time to try and come up with a pattern for it. I managed to find some really awesome yarn and come up with a brilliant idea for the button I need for the scarf while I was there. (Love that!!)

Anyway, as I was checking out, the "customer service representative" asked if I would like to donate a dollar to charity. (Quickly a phrase I have read repeatedly in books by Joe Vitale popped into my head, "money is energy, it needs to flow. To get you must give.") "Sure!" I said to the cashier with a smile on my face. "I would love to give a dollar to charity, thank you for asking." He rang up my merchandise and I headed out home.

By the time I got home it was close to 1:30. I stopped at the mailbox before pulling into the driveway, and much to my surprise, there was a check from work I had done two months ago and completely forgotten about. It was for $21.02. I had to smile!! How awesome! I gave away a dollar and got back $21!!

The rest of the day puttered along nicely and around 9pm I checked in on my eBay items. "I know it is too early, I know it is too early," I kept saying to myself, but I was curious. AND, to my amazement, some one had not only looked at one of my items, but put a bid in on it!!! An adorable pair of earrings that I had pulled together on Sunday morning while I was playing with my daughter Olivia and her friend. They wanted to make bracelets, so as I helped them, I was poking around in the bead box and the beads for this particular pair of earrings came together for me. Fun!!!

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Friday, October 2nd
Today I woke up in a much better mood. I took a long hot bath last night and thought about the day. Then as I went to bed, I made a conscious decision to have a better day today. That seemed to work (for the most part) although admittedly I hit the off button on my alarm this morning instead of the snooze button and ended up missing the school bus which meant I had to drive an hour round trip to get my son Sam off to school. Aarrgh! I made the best of it though and listened to some positive affirmations on my way. (That was bonus time and I wouldn't have had to do that otherwise.)

After getting dressed (yes, I did drive Sam to school in my pj's) and getting Olivia out the door to school, I headed off to the gym. Had a good work out, and took some time to practice the deep breathing exercises I began using earlier in the week. It really is a great way to refocus.

I zipped back home after the gym to take a quick shower and change in time for a meeting with one of my favorite clients, Steve. The man is always happy and positive and you've got to love that! Plus he was taking me to a really great restaurant for lunch to discuss upcoming projects, so it was a win!! During lunch we talked about a lot of stuff. I mentioned to him my plan to manifest $5,000.- (you never know who is going to be able to help you get there) and we joked about that for a while. The joking is all fine, but it is difficult to not have anyone believe in you when you mention things like that. (I have gotten really good a deflecting comments and brushing them off! Whatever. I'll get there, and when I do, they will all be asking me what I did! :-) ).

As we headed out to our cars, I stopped by Steve's car to take a look at the new winter sleds we had worked on over the summer (retail is a crazy business, you area always working in the opposite seasons.) Anyway, WOW!! So cool. The new sleds had just come in from China, along with the packaging, and I can't tell you what a rush it is to see your designs live, 3-D, actually printed, touchable, holdable. WOW! The packaging looked great and is going to absolutely dance on the store shelves, and the sleds, well, they just came out awesome! (Visit MutualSales.com and search Arctic Gear).

What a fantastic day. I was flying!! So exciting! I've had a pair of earrings on eBay (see SoBeaded.com or bluerskies06 on eBay) that someone is bidding on, a ton of new products and packaging to design (summer stuff) for Steve and my first look at the new sleds I designed. It is hard to believe that the day could get any better.... BUT, IT DID!!

When I returned home, I had just enough time to grab the mail, check my status on eBay and zip off a couple quick emails. Strike that, I had enough time to make a phone call to my best friend Sue as well. I couldn't not make the call. I know she thinks I am an absolute nut sometimes, but she has always been a big fan and supporter!! (And secretly, I know that she employs a lot of the strategies I tell her about in the secret of her own home!) Anyway, I had to call her because she knew of my plan to manifest $5,000.- this week and I absolutely had to share what I found in the mail today. I can't believe it myself. Here's the list:

• $10 Old Navy Gift Card
• $50 Target Gift Card
• $25 AMC Theatre Gift Card
• $65 Discover Gift Card
• $4,125.25 Credit to my sons school account

I am absolutely NOT joking. I couldn't believe it myself!!! It almost slipped by me what I had done. Let's do the tally: that's $4,635.50. (I forgot to mention that while I was at lunch with Steve he handed me a check for $225 for some work I had done a while ago. It could have come at any time, but it came today! TODAY! This is only 4 days into my experiment!!!

Skeptical? I know, I am still trying to take it all in myself. My logical brain is trying to justify everything for me, for example: 1. I can account for every single penny of the money I have manifested so far. 2. I knew that the gift cards were coming because I had cashed in on reward points from my credit cards. 3. The checks were money I was owed, so it would have come eventually anyway, and 4. the credit for my son's school is mine and it isn't. I wasn't aware that there was a credit coming, and it was a really awesome surprise, but since my father has been paying the tuition for my son to go to school, the money is actually his and unless I think of some really elaborate plan on how to "hide its arrival" I will need to sign it over to him.

BUT the rest of me really wants to embrace the fact that I did it!! I did! Regardless of how it all came about, I did it and that is an awesome feeling! And taking the lesssons I have learned from it, I will just have to work on refining my requests to the universe and not allow room for as many loop holes and technicalities.

This was truly an awesome experiment, and I highly recommend that everyone try it. There is abundance and wealth out there for all of us!! I will keep you posted as I continue on my journey. For now I am going to take a look at my request and see how I can tweek it to get cash, new cash, cash I knew nothing about with no strings attached!! :-) I am really looking forward to that!

ps. Everyone will be getting sleds for Christmas this year!!